Hedge Fund Slogans & Ad Ideas: A Parody ~ market folly

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Hedge Fund Slogans & Ad Ideas: A Parody

With news that the SEC will lift the advertising ban on hedge funds in the near future, we thought it'd be fun to explore some mock slogans and ads.   Note: This is a parody.  If it isn't obvious below, this post is all in good fun.  

Hedge Fund Slogans & Ad Parodies For Major Firms

Viking Global:  TV Ad: A viking horn plays loudly as you see a viking ship sailing the ocean.  Slowly zooming in on the ship, it shows Andreas Halvorsen at the helm dressed in viking gear.  The camera pans to the other side of the ship revealing Johnny Drama from Entourage dressed as his Viking Quest character yelling "VICTORY!!!!"  Fade to black. "Viking Global"

Third Point:  TV Ad: A picture of a stoic Dan Loeb's face stares at you for 30 seconds straight. No text. No sound.  Fade to black.

Bridgewater Associates:  Video of Ray Dalio saying: "Give me your money or I will take it from you."  A black screen with the word: "Zen."  And then inspired by an old Dealbreaker post: The slogan "Be the hyena, attack the wildebeest" plays over audio repeatedly while a video of a hyena attack is played.

Appaloosa Management: Slogan: "We've got brass balls."  TV Ad: They hire Will Ferrell to play his Ricky Bobby NASCAR character from the movie Talladega Nights.  Ferrell appears on screen and says "Hi, I'm Ricky Bobby.  If you don't invest with Appaloosa, then f*ck you." 

Soros Fund: TV Ad: George Soros appears on screen and says "Why should you invest with Soros? Let me show you."  The audience then gets RickRoll'd as a music video from Rick Astley pops up out of nowhere.  The camera then pans back to Soros who is laughing like a maniac.  "Hahahah you can't even invest with us!!"

SAC Capital:  They anonymously buy ads that simply say: "Hey SEC: Suck it."

Oaktree Capital:  Howard Marks buys out all the ad inventory of a primetime broadcast to display a spot "Mr. Marks' Neighborhood" mirrored after the old children's show "Mr. Rogers Neighborhood."  Marks takes off his cardigan and shoes then proceeds to read his latest memo in its entirety, split up into 41 different 30-second spots.  

Pershing Square:  TV Ad: The words: "1 Fund. 1 Stock. Ride or Die" appear on screen.  Rapper DMX comes out of nowhere and starts yelling "RIDE. OR. DIE!  WHAT?!? C'MON!!!" repeatedly.  

2nd TV Ad: Bill Ackman grows a beard to look like the Dos Equis 'most interesting man in the world' and says, "I don't always invest in hedge funds, but when I do, I invest in Pershing Square." (via @largecaptrader1)

Icahn Partners: TV Ad: Carl Icahn appears and simply says, "I hate Bill Ackman." 

Tudor Investment Corp: Print Ad: The classic "losers average losers" PTJ picture from the 1980's with the caption, "Winners invest with Tudor.  Don't be a loser, chump."

Elliott Management:  Print Ad: A picture of the Argentinian ship they took over with the caption, "Somali pirates ain't got sh*t on us."

Maverick Capital:  TV Ad: They hire Tom Cruise to reprise his role of 'Maverick' and Val Kilmer to play 'Iceman' from the movie Top Gun.  Kilmer looks at the viewers and quotes his movie line, "You can be my wingman any time."  Cruise busts on screen and yells, "Bullsh*t!  You can be mine."  He then quotes another line, "This is what I call a target rich environment."  Iceman chomps his teeth while Cruise says, "Invest with Maverick."

Citadel: Print Ad: Picture of a big fort with the caption, "COME AT US, BRO!!!"

ESL Investments: *insert a Sears Ad*

Cerberus Capital: Image of a three-headed dog breathing fire with the caption, "Deal with it."  They sign licensing deals with Affliction and Ed Hardy for a new range of deep v-neck t-shirts with said logo.

Kase Capital: TV ad: Whitney Tilson buys an entire night's worth of infomercial slots and hires the ShamWow guy to enthusiastically promote his fund:  "Do YOU need a hedge fund?! Well do I have the fund for you. Wow!!!"   

Greenlight Capital:  Inspired by old Dealbreaker posts, Einhorn uses clips from the Green Lantern movie with his face superimposed over Ryan Reynolds' body.

Kynikos Associates: TV Ad: Jim Chanos runs a cryptic ad where the word "short seller" flashes on the screen.  Other phrases flash in and out rapidly like "Kynikos: greek for cynic" and "TRUST NO ONE."  Pictures of company logos like Enron appear and disappear like subliminal messages.

Hayman Capital: "Betting against adult diapers since 2010."

Baupost Group: "We don't even need your money."

Paulson & Co:  TV Ad for Paulson's gold fund: They hire Mike Myers to play his 'Goldmember' character from the Austin Powers movie.  He appears on the screen and just yells "I love goooooooold" nonstop.

Renaissance Technologies:  "You have no clue what we're doing."

Lastly, here's a slogan that's up for grabs.  All you gotta do is bring Jay-Z into the mix and you're set: "99 problems but beta ain't one."

Submit Your Hedge Fund Ad Slogans Below

Let us know your favorites and feel free to submit your hedge fund slogans in the comments below.  The cheesier and funnier, the better.  We'll post up the best submissions.

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